Babies

Everyone is having them at the moment. Is it fashionable or something? People are making babies like the future of the bloody human race depended on it.

But of course in this modern day and age where we have technology sufficient to let you know whether it's a manchild or a no-tail - no-one wants to know in advance!

Well I do.

If you are having a baby and are part of my social circle I will be expected to buy a card and present to signify the arrival of your spawn. Now, it is apparently essential (judging by the exclamations on the vast majority of greetings cards available in the shops) to get one declaring "It's A Boy!!!" or "It's A Girl".

This holds two problems for me. Firstly I have to wait until your child is born to find out what sex it is and then dash to the shops to get the appropriate card and/or present. Secondly - you will already know what it is and therefore a card dexclaiming "It's A Boy" - when you've just spent sevearal hours forcing it out of your womb with great physical discomfort - seems a bit redundant.

Do new mothers not sit there and read the card and exclaim..........."Hmmm, it says "It's A Boy!!" - well I know that you idiot."

Why not just have "It's An Infant" and do away with all the hassle. Or tell me what it is in advance with the ultrasound thing - send me the results in a sealed envelope - I won't tell you. You can have the surprise when it arrives but at least I can buy you the obligatory baby gift in blue or pink accordingly.

Or just don't have kids at all and then I can still go down the pub with my mates instead of them always being too tired or saying stuff like "Susan let me go out last month, so I'd better say no, I'm afraid".