So I went into Halfords yesterday and asked if they could help me because my car battery wasn't working. Here follows the (slightly paraphrased, I admit) conversation:
Halfords man: Can I help you sir?
Me: I very much doubt it
Halfords man: Pardon?
Me: Nothing. I need a battery cos mine is broken.
Halfords man: Broken?
Me: Yes - as in "not working"
Halfords man: In what way is it not working, sir?
Me: It's making my car not start
Halfords man: Really...
Me: Yes - which is a bit awkward as it means I now cannot drive my car. And I bought my car mainly for driving.
Halfords man: Are you sure it's the battery itself....
Me: Yes - it's got no electric left in it. Is it tired? Can I have a new one?
Halfords man: Certainly sir - this is our standard battery - it comes with a 3 year guarantee
Me: Is it full up with electricity?
Halfords man: Indeed it's filled right to the top with heaps of electricity sir. Now... what car do you have as I need to know which battery to get for you?
Me: I have a black one - tis that one there in your list. It's nice. Mine looks diferent to the one in your book though. I done the stickers myself.
Halfords man: Aah, right - then you need an 067 - here you go!
Me: Er....that looks too big
Halfords man: Are you sure? (said in a "I know about cars - I work in a car shop - and you clearly know f**k-all" tone of voice)
Me: Yes - it's too big
Halfords man: Well - the computer says it's the right one for your car
Me: Well, I think the computer may be wrong as it is MAAAHHHAAAASSIVELY too big for my car
Halfords man: (I kid you not - this is a direct quote) Well, I'm sure it's the right one sir - things sometimes look bigger out of the car than they do in the car
Me: Yes - and things often look bigger when they are actually bigger than the other thing they are being compared with. It is larger than the space in my car for where the battery goes.....
Halfords man: But I'm sure.....etc etc
In the end I bought the battery and carried it out carefully (because it was brimming over with electricity and I didn't want to spill any) and took it home to my poorly car. I lifted up the lid at the front of my car and guess what..........
IT WAS MASSIVELY TOO F**KING BIG.